Life isn’t fair: you’ve likely heard that before. Life isn’t fair for you, and it isn’t fair for your friends, and it isn’t fair for anyone.
This isn’t a problem unless you expect or insist that life should be fair. This is the fallacy of fairness.
It’s a fallacy because expecting or insisting that life should be […]
When you’re stressed, you tend to get stuck in one worry thought after another. A fun way to get unstuck from a concern is to take the long way around it.
Here’s how to do it.
Describe the stressful thought or worry with a longer, wordier description.
For example, to take the long way around the worry: “What […]
When you’re stressed or worried about something, it’s difficult to think about anything else.
It’s as if your mind is stuck on the stress channel as you think about one stressful thing after another.
Although it’s almost impossible to turn off the stress channel once you’ve turned it on, you can learn to change it by playing […]
Fogging is a simple skill that helps you accept feedback calmly without feeling upset or stressed.
The idea is that there’s a thick, dense fog between you and the other person.
The fog slows the feedback coming at you, like a thick fog would slow a stone if someone threw one at you.
Also, you’re less likely to […]
Before you can resolve a conflict, it helps first to decide what you want to accomplish.
If you can’t answer these questions, then why are you involving yourself in […]
Some messiness is a fact of life for most people. It might be piles of disorganised paper, a box of decades-old cheques, or dirty clothing strewn about a bedroom. Then there’s the […]
An interesting thing about remembering what you learned is that you’re more likely to remember something in the place where you learned it.
If you took your history exam in a lecture-style classroom with big windows, you may recall what you learned best in that same or a very similar classroom.
Obviously, you can’t stage your bedroom […]
When you coach yourself, the tone of your self-talk is as important as the words you use.
A harsh, critical tone, even with encouraging words, can increase your stress and hurt your performance.
To see how this works:
Dr. Michael A. Tompkins is a licensed psychologist and board-certified in Behavioral and Cognitive Psychology. He is co-director of the San Francisco Bay Area Center for Cognitive Therapy. He serves on the Advisory Board of Magination Press—the children’s press of the American Psychological Association—and the editorial board of the Journal of Cognitive and Behavioral Practice. […]
When you’re coaching yourself, the tone of your coaching self-talk is as important as the words you use.
Even with encouraging words, a harsh, critical tone can increase your stress and hurt your performance.