Life isn’t fair: you’ve likely heard that before. Life isn’t fair for you, and it isn’t fair for your friends, and it isn’t fair for anyone.
This isn’t a problem unless you expect or insist that life should be fair. This is the fallacy of fairness.
It’s a fallacy because expecting or insisting that life should be fair won’t make life fair. Furthermore, believing this fallacy can fill your life with stress, frustration, and unhappiness.
Overcoming the fallacy of fairness requires you to adjust your thinking and accept that fairness is not absolute. That’s because two people rarely agree on what “fair” means.
One person thinks it’s unfair when something doesn’t go their way, but the other person thinks it’s fair when it does.
Fairness is not objective – it’s subjective.
Instead of thinking in terms of fairness, try thinking in terms of equity. Instead of thinking it isn’t fair that the coach sent Jeff into play and not you, think it’s equitable.
Think that the coach sent Jeff in because he wanted to give all the players equal time in the game, and that’s equitable. Or, rather than thinking that it isn’t fair that your friend gave Jessie half his sandwich, think it’s equitable.
Think that your friend knows Jessie often doesn’t have money to buy his lunch, and that’s equitable.
In other words, what is and isn’t fair is based on particular experiences and circumstances that may not apply to anyone else.
Therefore, it’s essential to look beyond the fallacy of fairness and work together to reach an equitable agreement for you and the other person.
